


You Were All I've Ever Known

by champagne_enema



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Amnesia, Angst, M/M, Major Character Injury, Shiro (Voltron) is a Zombie, Unreliable Narrator, Violence, vlogging - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-24
Updated: 2018-04-24
Packaged: 2019-04-26 23:57:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14413257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/champagne_enema/pseuds/champagne_enema
Summary: In the wake of Lance's death, Shiro takes the time to watch Lance’s vlogs, which describes his post-apocalyptic journey.





	1. Loss

**Author's Note:**

> this is a WIP I've had sitting in my docs but like,, I felt like I should post it,,,, as a result I've only got enough for maybe another chapter to post until I somehow muster up enough inspiration to write this,, hahahahaha I suck
> 
> also the idea of zombie shiro just called to me??????? I was partially inspired by [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNeZZxJ7JqY) animatic (even though it's klance, I really liked the idea) and another fic on ao3 BUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME I CAN'T REMEMBER IT'S NAME :'(((( oh well
> 
> title from memories by Panic! At the Disco~

Funnily enough, it isn't a zombie that kills Lance.  
  
With Lance gone, the only people left are Pidge, Allura, Keith, and Shiro.

_First._

Coran had been the first of their ragtag group to die, brutally ripped apart several feet away from a horrified Lance, watching helplessly as his mentor sacrificed himself.

_Second._

Hunk had been bitten on a raid and didn't tell anyone, not until he started exhibiting symptoms and begged Lance to kill him, pleaded with teary eyes and shaking fingers. Lance complied, equally as teary, trembling to his core as his best friend's blood splattered across his face and the walls.

_Last._

And finally, Lance had been protecting Shiro from another survivor, pushing him aside and leaping in front of the bullet. With little medical supplies,the gun wound got infected and he died in agony, holding Shiro's hand and whimpering.

It's all Shiro's fault. If he weren't so dead, then maybe Lance would still be alive. He'd always thought he would be the one to kill Lance, believe it or not. As a zombie, he thought he'd one day _snap_ and try to eat him. But, _somehow_ , he managed to keep away, resist temptation.  
  
Or he wondered if Lance would pass in a blaze of glory, screaming his head off and blowing walkers to bits. Defending those he loved, destroying any who threatened his family. Or something equally as heroic. Getting shot, then dying of an over glorified cold seemed fairly anticlimactic.  
  
Shiro sits and stares at his fingers. His flesh is grey and mottled, the veins a dark blue color. He's missing his other arm, most likely ripped off when he was turned, though he doesn't remember life before he died.  
  
He doesn't understand why he has a consciousness, doesn't understand why he can think and speak like a living person. He knows his eyes are milky white and _lifeless_ , knows he looks like a walking corpse (because he is). The fact that he is capable of not only coherent thought and speech, but also _love_ , is baffling.  
  
Pidge plops down beside him, running her fingers through her knotted hair. When he'd first come across their group, back when it was just Pidge and Lance and Hunk and Keith (don't think about Lance, dontthinkaboutlance, _don't_ ), she'd had cropped short hair. Now it brushed past her shoulders. Mostly, she kept it braided-- a habit she'd grown into because of Lance, but the past day or so she let it fall around her face loosely. It makes her look more feminine, more tough and mature. She's been forced to grow up far too quickly.  
  
"How you holding up?" she asks.  
  
Shiro would laugh, if he could. Instead he wheezes, which is his own equivalent of laughter. "I should be asking you the same thing, Katie."  
  
His voice is halting, _rough_ , more growl than words. It's always been, at least since he woke up as a walker. Learning how to speak had been the hardest part of all of this, aside from resisting eating all of his friends, of course.  
  
She shrugs. "I've been better. It gets easier, I guess."  
  
"No it doesn't." he deadpans. Ha, get it? Because he's _dead_ ?  
  
"you're right" she concedes. "It doesn't get better, but it _should_ ."  
  
She's crying, he notices. Her words trail off into a so, she can barely manage to get the words out. Shiro can't cry; his eyes don't produce tears, but he wishes he could. It looks therapeutic.  
  
"Here, I downloaded all of the files from his camera onto here,"

  
She's forced the pain down. Tears still trail down her face, but her eyes are determined. Pain swims I'm their depths, but she's strong. Way stronger than Shiro.

  
He looks down at his lap, where she's placed her laptop. "I've seen them already, I figured you might want to watch them."  
  
He does, _desperately_ , but not with an audience. Pidge understands this, patting his thigh and hoisting herself up, leaving him in peace.  
  
They've made themselves comfortable in an old Elementary School, having cleared the place of lurkers before settling down. Shiro sits on the floor in an abandoned classroom, staring at dust gathered on the desks and sunlight filtering through the boarded window.  
  
He glances at the laptop, where the first video is paused on Lance's face. He's mid-sentence, mouth open and eyes squinting. Shiro feels a burning in his chest and eyes, and wonders if he's going to cry, _finally_ , after all this time.  
  
He presses play with a fumbling finger.


	2. 2/11/19-3/7/19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance begins his vlogs, and meets several friends on his way to safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as I said, this is the last prewritten chapter so who knows when I might update next ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**LOG 1, FEBRUARY 11th, 2019**

   
"Uhm, hi? I doubt anyone but me will be watching this garbage, but hello anyways. My name is Lance McClain and I've been abandoned."   
  
The camera angle isn't the _most_ flattering, but he looks expressive. Shiro can't really tell where he is, background wise.   
  
Lance chuckles. "I mean, most everyone else has been evacuated to the nearest Quarantine Zone, down in Rancho. Everyone but the poor tweakers who can't afford the fee," he pauses. "Or me, I guess."   
  
He scratches the back of his head and glances around. "So this is log 1, day 2 of evacuation. I'm still at the house, but the Smiths are long gone. They tried to take me with them into the Quarantine, but since they don't have custody they couldn't bring me in. And I guess because I don't have an American citizen ship. Apparently they don't care if you get eaten alive if you're not a citizen? _Bullshit_ , if you ask me,"   
  
His chuckle is mirthless. "That's America, for you. Bunch of rotten assholes."   
  
"I've started gathering supplies, in case the zombies reach the house or something. The Jeep is loaded with useful shit. I made sure to pack Mr. Smith's shotgun, just in case. I've never shot a gun before, but I guess I'll figure it out. _Somehow_ ."   
  
"I tried calling Mama, but the call didn't go through. There's still service here, but I guess Cuba is shut down. I don't know, I'm kinda freaking out. I hope they're all okay back home. I don't even know if they have Quarantines or not."   
  
He looks like he's about to cry, but he sucks up his shaky breaths and forces a smile. "I'm sure everyone is fine. They're all tough, they'll make it through,"   
  
"I'm probably gonna start looking for some more stuff to pack, maybe in a few days I'll head to the mall down in Victorville to stock up. I'm waiting for it to settle down, it's like the purge out there right now,"   
  
More laughter. Then, "I should go get to that. I'll try to keep up a consistent log, if I can. Who knows. Everything is in the air right now,"   
  
"I guess I'll see you soon? Lance, out."

  
  
**LOG 2, FEBRUARY 13th, 2019**

  
Lance is sitting on a bed with some kind of display behind him, chewing on a piece of what looks like beef jerky.   
  
He has the camera perched on something, leaving him with two hands. He waves to the camera with a smile.   
  
"Hello, again! so, a few updates. I left the house yesterday after catching sight of some walkers across the street, a little too close for comfort. The Jeep got me here at the mall safe and sound, thankfully. I figured Sears would be the best place to hunker down at, so I shut up the store and killed a few of the stragglers inside. I was a bit scared to use the gun, so I stuck with a machete. I kinda feel like a badass, if I'm being honest,"   
  
He laughs. "I've been collecting supplies in here; they've got a bit of everything. The power is still ok, but who knows when that will change? These display beds are surprisingly comfortable. I haven't run into any other survivors yet. I'm not sure if I necessarily want to, considering most of the people not on Quarantine are all druggies. Man, I love the high desert."   
  
_He's using sarcasm_ , Shiro notes detachedly. He remembers Lance trying to explain sarcasm to him, what feels like years ago.   
  
"Not sure how long I'm gonna stay here, but so far this is my best bet,"   
  
another pause, lengthy. He glances to the side, grabs another piece of jerky. "That should cover everything. I'll update you if anything changes. Lance, out.

  
  
**LOG 3, FEBRUARY 18th, 2019**

  
Lance looks way different. He's in a bright pink prom dress and has a tiara on his head, makeup coating the skin of his face. And he's decidedly drunk, stumbling and holding the camera with one hand. A diamond necklace glitters from around his neck.   
  
"Hi! Man, I'm too drunk for this," he giggles and hiccups. "It's gotten pretty lonely here, so I threw myself a little party. I kinda stole a bunch of shit from Sephora, but who else is gonna use it, huh? Whatever, the world is ending. It doesn't matter."   
  
"Been kinda quiet these last few days, just me looting all of the stores and shooting any lurkers. Oh yeah, I got some gun practice. It's nice. I'm pretty good at it. I found a bunch of ammo in one of the stores, can't remember which one, so that's cool. The power went off yesterday, so I've been using candles and flashlights. Thankfully the water is still running. Uhm,"   
  
he thinks for a moment, plopping down on the floor. Shiro thinks he sees a fountain in the background. "I miss everyone. My family, even the Smith's. I miss school; Serrano wasn't that great, but I had a few friends. It was alright. I mostly miss the beach,"   
  
His sigh is wistful. "The desert sucks. I keep getting nosebleeds. There's no one here. I'm all alone,"   
  
again, he looks like he might cry. He even sniffles, before laughing. "I wouldn't want to mess up my pretty makeup. No crying for me,"   
  
"I should go. I'm too drunk. Uhm, Lance out."

  
  
**LOG 4, FEBRUARY 20th, 2019**

  
Lance is in a car, in the passenger seat. He's perched the camera on the dashboard. The makeup is gone, but he's wearing another dress, this time a pretty baby blue. Designer aviator sunglasses are perched on his nose. Sinatra plays from the radio.   
  
"So I found Hunk!"   
  
He moves the camera to show Hunk driving. The boy in question gives the camera a quick wave. "Hello!"   
  
Lance pits the camera back to it's perch. "He ran into me at the mall. We use to have Auto together, so that's cool. I guess he's on his own too, so we decided to band together. Hunk thinks everything will be better on the coast, so we're headed to San Francisco. I think we should avoid cities, but maybe it won't be so bad,"   
  
Shiro can see the highway in the reflection of his glasses, endless road and desert for miles.   
  
"We've got a shit ton of supplies, food and clothes and shit, but not too many weapons. Just the rifle, machete, and a few knives. I brought my cell phone, even though I can't get a signal anymore. Still no word from Mama, but I know she's tough so I'm not too worried,"   
  
"Currently we're about to hit Pearblossom. We're expecting to hit Palmdale in an hour or so, we might stop at a hotel for the night. I've only been to Palmdale once, but I know it's big so I'm a little worried. Zombie wise, anyway. I don't want to get ambushed. We'll see,"   
  
His face falls, just for a minute, before he goes back to smiling. "I'll keep you updated. Lance and Hunk, out."

  
**LOG 5, FEBRUARY 21st, 2019**

  
He's back in the car, but this time it's dusk and he's wearing a navy sweatshirt. There's a cut above his eyebrows that's bleeding.   
  
"So, Palmdale was a shitty idea."   
  
Hunk chuckles from beside him. The camera pans over to the man in question, revealing the dark bruise around his eye and the bandage on his chin. It focuses back on Lance.   
  
"It was actually terrible. The AV mall is completely overrun, all of the hotels are jam packed with zombies. The whole city is full,"   
  
"It was... terrifying, actually. It was my first time seeing that many of them. Like, the city was a war zone,"   
  
Lance shudders. "So, we're on the 101 freeway. San Francisco is still the goal, but if that doesn't work out we might head up north. maybe the cold fucks with the zombies, I dunno. It's getting pretty late, and it's almost my turn to drive, so I'll cut this log off here."   
  
He sounds defeated, eyes haunted, as he says "Lance, out."

  
  
**LOG 6, FEBRUARY 23rd, 2019**

  
Lance is backlit by the rising sun, sitting on top of the Jeep. The cut on his forehead is healing slowly, scabbed over. His face is solemn.   
  
"So the Jeep shut down. Hunk is trying to figure out what's wrong with it, he thinks it's the spark plugs. We don't have much to fix it, so we're probably screwed,"   
  
Hunk pipes in. "Don't say that, Lance."   
  
"What? It's the truth. If we can't get the Jeep to start then we have to walk. Maybe get another car on the way, maybe not. We're more vunerable to zombies on foot. The only weapn we have is a shotgun that I barely know how to shoot,"   
  
He takes a shuddering breath. "I haven't seen my family for a year. I miss Veradero Beach. I miss my mom, and my brother Luis, and marco, and Veronica, and my Abuela. I just wanna go home."   
  
He finally starts crying, fat tears dripping down his face. He wipes at them angrily, pushing the despair out of his face.   
  
"Whatever. Lance, out."

  
  
**LOG 7, MARCH 1st, 2019**

  
The tone is much happier this time. Lance is smiling from the passenger seat of a new car, donned in a white crop top and jean jacket. His hair is rumpled but his face is cheery. Cat Stevens plays from the stereo.   
  
"So Hunk and I got a new car a few days back, Hunk managed to hotwire it. We're coming up to San Francisco in an hour or so, so expect the next log to be about that,"   
  
"There's less leg room in this bad boy, and the whole backseat is full of our junk. It's pretty cramped, but it's better than nothing. I started to get a phone signal yesterday morning, so Hunk got to talk to his Mom. She was in Brooklyn on a business trip when the outbreak hit, so she's been detained since they shut down all of the airports. Thankfully she got to a Quarantine, so she's fine. Really nice, too,"   
  
"It's been boring just driving, but Hunk and I have been playing games. Twenty Questions, stuff like that. We haven't encountered any more zombies, so that's a plus."   
  
He thinks for a moment, considering what else he should say. By his frustrated look, Shiro can tell he's come up with a blank.   
  
"I'll tell you what happens in San Francisco tomorrow. Until then, Lance out."

  
  
**LOG 8, MARCH 2nd, 2019**

  
Lance is on a hotel bed with damp hair, shirtless. a towel is slung around his shoulders.   
  
"So far we've managed to stay off of the zombies' radar. The city is kinda quiet, not as many as I thought there would be. Hunk and I broke into this hotel, I guess it's five star. I'm just glad it has running water. I haven't bathed in days,"   
  
"we've decided to go up to Brooklyn, hopefully to get into the Quarantine. I'm not sure they'll let me in, but maybe Hunks mom can figure something out. I dunno. As of right now, the plan is to stay here in San Francisco for a few days, try to restock a bit, and then head East. We're hoping the northern states are safer to pass through,"   
  
he runs his fingers through his hair. "I'll keep you updated. Lance, out.

  
  
**LOG 9, MARCH 5th, 2019**

  
Lance is in a different car this time, in the backseat. From the looks of it, it's a van. He's wearing a black hoodie and a snapback.   
  
"The last few days have been hectic, to say the least,"   
  
He's got heavy bags under his eyes, proving just how crazy things mustve been   
  
"So, first of all, we picked up Pidge and Keith,"   
  
He flips the camera to focus on a longer looking Pidge in the front seat, eyes downcast on a map. She flips off the camera. Next to her, hands on the wheel, is a disgruntled looking Keith. Lance laughs and turns the camera back around.   
  
"We found them in San Fran, looting a gas station. We helped them get out of a sticky situation with a bunch of walkers. It took some time to get them to come with us, but there's safety in numbers,"   
  
"There's been another change of plans. Pidge says she knows there are Havens up north, so we're headed to Canada. She also thinks her brother is up there, so that's a plus. They're both looking for their brothers,"   
  
"Pidge is alright. She's way smart, so that's cool. Keith is an asshole--”   
  
Keith interjects with an indignant "Hey!", causing Lance to giggle.   
  
"We're in Oregon now, so that's cool I guess. It's really rainy up here, kinda cold. We lost the phone signal, but Hunk got to update his mom on the plan. She's planning on meeting us there,"   
  
"I guess that's it, for now. Lance, out."

  
  
**LOG 10, MARCH 7th, 2019**

 

The next video is being shot by what Shiro assumes is Hunk. They're all at the beach, the sun is high in the sky. Lance has his toes buried in the sand; he's wearing a shawl, boxer briefs, and a floppy hat. His aviator shades damgle off of his nose.   
  
Keith is sitting under an umbrella in a black t-shirt and jeans, looking like he wants to murder someone. Pidge is further down the coast, collecting shells.   
  
Lance rips off his shawl and runs in the water, yelling in elation as he gets soaked. He kicks at the water, splashing himself, and flops down to swim further out.   
  
Hunk sits down next to Keith and turns the camera to him. Keith gives it a dirty look, scowl firmly in place.   
  
"C'mon, aren't you excited?" hunk asks.   
  
Keith huffs, turning back to the water. "Hunk, I can't swim. I can feel myself getting sunburned. There's sand in my buttcrack. This is hell."   
  
Hunk laughs and points the camera back to Lance, who is having a splash fight with Pidge. The two are yelling and laughing, thoroughly enjoying themselves.   
  
They look happy, and it makes Shiro's still heart hurt. Two of the four people in this picturesque scene are dead. It's not fair.   
  
Lance turns. “Hunk! Come help me take down the gremlin!”   
  
Hunk hands the camera to Keith and joins the three, instead of attacking Pidge he tackles Lance, who squeals in delight. Shiro can hear Keith chuckle softly to himself before he ends the video. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello come b my pal on [tumblr](https://smelly-milk.tumblr.com/) or [twitter](https://twitter.com/smellymilky?lang=en) bc a bitch needs friends lol


End file.
